The True Störy of Jesus XI
It’s true, they tested it on Mythbusters
Posts filed under ‘∆ stullig’
Endless Potential
Kirby
Often used to compare other men to. Is said to exist only in the lust-filled imagination of women everywhere.
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A kirby is a master of the sexual arts and is an amazing lover. Often citing his 36 orgasm minimum rule, the women who are lucky enough to be with a kirby are always allowed to miss work for a few days of bed-rest from sheer exhaustion.
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It is said that a kirby can also make a woman orgasm by merely thinking about her. This is true of course, but he rarely ever does this since the orgasm is often so violent as to cause what people today call ‚earthquakes‘.
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His sense of humor is incredible. In fact instead of breaking up with a woman and condemning her to a hellish life without him, a kirby will often make her orgasm while making her laugh. This combination is very lethal. It makes him sad to see her go, but at least she died happy (and satisfied).
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A kirby’s intelligence knows no bounds. He knows pretty much everything, and if he doesn’t know something he makes it up, but he knows how to bend space and time to make that which he made up true.
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A kirby is a master of the sexual arts and is an amazing lover. Often citing his 36 orgasm minimum rule, the women who are lucky enough to be with a kirby are always allowed to miss work for a few days of bed-rest from sheer exhaustion.
.
It is said that a kirby can also make a woman orgasm by merely thinking about her. This is true of course, but he rarely ever does this since the orgasm is often so violent as to cause what people today call ‚earthquakes‘.
.
His sense of humor is incredible. In fact instead of breaking up with a woman and condemning her to a hellish life without him, a kirby will often make her orgasm while making her laugh. This combination is very lethal. It makes him sad to see her go, but at least she died happy (and satisfied).
.
A kirby’s intelligence knows no bounds. He knows pretty much everything, and if he doesn’t know something he makes it up, but he knows how to bend space and time to make that which he made up true.
Kirby: The god standard for men.
The True Störy of Jesus pt.VI
And o, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth, but the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus with a splinter in his paw. And o, the disciples did run a-shrieking ‚What a big fucking lizard, Lord.‘ But Jesus was unafraid, and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus‘ paw, and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a Loch for oh so many years, inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families with their fat fucking children and their fat dollar bills in their fatty fucking fingers. And o‘ Scotland did praise the Lord. Thank you, Lord. O Thank you, Lord.
Keith Richards
Quadruped. Graminivorous. Forty teeth, namely twenty-four grinders, four eye-teeth, and twelve incisive. Sheds coat in the spring; in marshy countries, sheds hoofs, too. Hoofs hard, but requiring to be shod with iron. Age known by marks in the mouth.
Dadventure
Last weekend for my fourteenth birthday I went on a crazy dadventure, we rode horses in Half Moon Bay, spied on the nude beach, had a burger at some crappy bar, and ended up at the Rodin sculpture garden at Stanford University. Mom said, „You smell like horse shit and beer, just like your father“.
Banana Bender
Disclaimer:
Strawberries aren’t berries.
A banana is a berry.
We are serious.
Look it up.
Integrate the knowledge.
Deal with it