Destiny
Posts filed under ‘∆ stullig’
Kool Aid
Children, oh children; PLEASE, for the love of Machete, beware of Kool Aid.
It will totally make you go Charlie Sheen with it’s toxic amounts of children-compatible quantum hypercocaine. Even worse, it releases tiny ninja miners who will mine your teeth in order to make Chinese people.
Once depleted, your lack of teeth then leads to a hypernuclear quantumdecay of your personality cloud, splitting it into a mexican wrestler and an emu. You heard right. An emu.
Emu’s are incredibly dangerous. Originally called Emo’s, they officially changed their name in 1998 to distance themselves from obsessively French House addicted paranoid grandmothers who only communicate through elaborate carvings in their wrists.
The emu can only laugh about that. Well, actually he can’t cause he’s an emu. But he would if he had a sense of humour. But he doesn’t. Emus are incredibly sad. So sad in fact, that recent estimations estimate the world’s water supplies to be fully exhausted by 2014 from crying emus. Emus can easily cry up to several thousand litres of meta level Laserfluid on a bad day (which is every day), leading leading scientists to believe that they are responsible for almost every major quantum tsunami over the last 9000 years.
Scientologists are currently trying to develop a means of recycling Emu tears into drinkable water. The emphasis lies on „trying“ since emus cry überuncrackable Hyper Kool Aid which will instantly turn you into a mexican wrestler and an emu. You heard right, an emu.
The Emu was officially ostracized from planet Earth in 2012 but refuses to comply and leave the planet. In order to subdue him at least to some sort of ostracizical punishment, the emu is now often referred to as ostrich. Which makes him sad.
Endless Potential
Kirby
Often used to compare other men to. Is said to exist only in the lust-filled imagination of women everywhere.
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A kirby is a master of the sexual arts and is an amazing lover. Often citing his 36 orgasm minimum rule, the women who are lucky enough to be with a kirby are always allowed to miss work for a few days of bed-rest from sheer exhaustion.
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It is said that a kirby can also make a woman orgasm by merely thinking about her. This is true of course, but he rarely ever does this since the orgasm is often so violent as to cause what people today call ‚earthquakes‘.
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His sense of humor is incredible. In fact instead of breaking up with a woman and condemning her to a hellish life without him, a kirby will often make her orgasm while making her laugh. This combination is very lethal. It makes him sad to see her go, but at least she died happy (and satisfied).
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A kirby’s intelligence knows no bounds. He knows pretty much everything, and if he doesn’t know something he makes it up, but he knows how to bend space and time to make that which he made up true.
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A kirby is a master of the sexual arts and is an amazing lover. Often citing his 36 orgasm minimum rule, the women who are lucky enough to be with a kirby are always allowed to miss work for a few days of bed-rest from sheer exhaustion.
.
It is said that a kirby can also make a woman orgasm by merely thinking about her. This is true of course, but he rarely ever does this since the orgasm is often so violent as to cause what people today call ‚earthquakes‘.
.
His sense of humor is incredible. In fact instead of breaking up with a woman and condemning her to a hellish life without him, a kirby will often make her orgasm while making her laugh. This combination is very lethal. It makes him sad to see her go, but at least she died happy (and satisfied).
.
A kirby’s intelligence knows no bounds. He knows pretty much everything, and if he doesn’t know something he makes it up, but he knows how to bend space and time to make that which he made up true.
Kirby: The god standard for men.
The True Störy of Jesus pt.VI
And o, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth, but the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus with a splinter in his paw. And o, the disciples did run a-shrieking ‚What a big fucking lizard, Lord.‘ But Jesus was unafraid, and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus‘ paw, and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a Loch for oh so many years, inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families with their fat fucking children and their fat dollar bills in their fatty fucking fingers. And o‘ Scotland did praise the Lord. Thank you, Lord. O Thank you, Lord.
Keith Richards
Quadruped. Graminivorous. Forty teeth, namely twenty-four grinders, four eye-teeth, and twelve incisive. Sheds coat in the spring; in marshy countries, sheds hoofs, too. Hoofs hard, but requiring to be shod with iron. Age known by marks in the mouth.